How sharing our stories can instigate change.

“My Social Self was screaming at me to SHUT UP, but my True Self couldn't be stopped.”

I was asked to share my personal story for #IWD2023 about this year’s topic #EmbracingEquality. Whether you are a fan of #IWD or not, sharing our stories is the most powerful way to instigate change, help people feel seen, and know they are not alone. 

My Background.

I was born in Australia and am a child of immigrants from Italy who believed above all else that hard work prevails AND that ‘people like us’ don’t necessarily have the luxury to rock the boat when things go wrong in life. 

As a child I also absorbed societal messaging about how important it was for me to be a ‘good girl’, a likable girl, an agreeable girl - subconsciously I decided that the way a woman was to behave in this world was to please others and be nice even if that was at expense of own wellbeing. 

And as I started working this messaging was reinforced by both men and women who would refer to men who were being ‘assertive’ as great leaders vs. women who were assertive as ‘Perfume Steamrollers’

The Incident that changed everything.

Around 10 years ago, I was working for a global organisation in Australia in a corporate strategy role. 

We were a very small team and it was just me and another colleague who was at the same level. 

At the time the company was doing an employee contract refresh and back in the olden days the mailroom would deliver important documents to us via ‘pigeonhole’, for the Gen Zs who are reading, this is kind of like an Amazon locker but it has your name on it. 

When I opened my new contract I realised that there had been a mix-up - it was my colleague’s contract.

Besides noticing that the letter was incorrect, I also noticed that his salary was almost double mine. 

At first, I was puzzled:

• We were the same age

• With the same amount of experience

• Prior to working at this organisation we had both worked at other tier-1 companies

• We had the same job title

• We did the same work

• The only difference I could see was that he was a man and had previously worked for the same company as our boss

My dilemma.

For a moment I thought, ‘this must be a typo’ but as I continued to read the letter - it become clear that it was not.

So I was faced with a dilemma.

Like any normal human, I ran to the toilets and cried. 

I was angry and upset that I was being paid so poorly in comparison and worse yet, I was faced with the reality that my bosses didn’t think I was worth the same amount of money. 

My insides were in turmoil because I still wanted to be that likable good girl but I physically couldn’t live in a world where I didn’t speak up and understand why there was such a huge pay gap.

What I did next.

I thought about who I should talk to to get advice. 

My parents definitely were not the right people because they would beg me not to say anything out of fear of losing my job and I imagined my friends would just tell me to leave, which is not what I wanted to do.

I reached out to one of my mentors and described the situation and he asked me point blank if I could live in a world where I knew this information & didn’t speak up…

And I knew at that moment I knew the answer was a ‘No’.

So I did. It was one of the hardest things I had ever had to do. My Social Self was screaming at me to SHUT UP, but my True Self couldn't be stopped.

The leaders agreed it was wrong & equalised my pay.

They also equalised the development budget across our group and fully funded my MBA.

I know this is a unicorn experience & don’t you worry I have many hellish other stories under my belt. 

But either way, it taught me the power of SPEAKING UP and being true to myself is my number one priority - even if it means that my likability will decrease. 

How it changed my decision-making in the future.

As I got older, It also taught me about my privilege as a white woman, with an easy-to-pronounce name who spoke the language of the country I lived in. My starting place was not equal to others. 

This is why when I had the savings behind me to start investing, I made the choice to invest in ONLY Women Founded companies & those from underrepresented groups who weren’t starting from an equal position. 

Why it is important to share your story.

If my story helps one person to speak up and change things for themselves for the better & then others, then I would do it a million times over.

A little snippet of my presenting my story at a company-wide event for IWD 2023.